My best friend and my ex boyfriend.

I wasnt sure if i wanted to post this on here or not, but im just going too anyway. to make it short...
I have an ex. We dated this time last year, we never stopped talking and for me atleast there was always feeling there. There was boyfriend and girlfriend inbetween eachother, but to me.. we had something special.
I know that he always thought one of my best friends was cute, i was hurt when i found out he was talking to her.
for the passed few phone calls i've had with him.. i've cried. not too him of course! just after, im just.. hurt.
this passed weekend, him and my best friend kissed during a truth or dare game. I WAS THE ONE TODARE THEM.

i cant explain why, i wish i knew why i did it. I think its just because.. i want to FINALLY get over him, and i cant. and if i see that he likes someone, with my own eyes.. i'll stop.
it hurts me, but i encorage them.
Im not really mad at my friend, shes asked and apolgized to me, i mean.. she cant help if she likes him! And him either.. I just wish it was me and him :(
I like one HIS *my ex* friend's so i guess its okay, but its just differnt.. but not really.
its dumb, i probably sound insane. :|